Not Fair!

As I have mentioned, my sister is serving her mission in New York. She left the MTC last monday. She sent out an email telling everyone about her first week there. All I have to say is that I am jealous. First she has one baptism she is preparing for and 3 more that are close. I spent my mission and all I got was one and I felt like he was not ready for it, but my companion pushed it. I know a mission is not about how many baptisms you get, but it still hurts a little. Second and this is the one that really hurts. Her mission president has asked her to learn spanish. That is not fair. I have wanted to learn spanish my whole life. I have even taken classes and have not had much luck with them. So when I went on my mission I had hope to go spanish speaking; nope I went english. Then when I got to the field my mission president wanted me to learn spanish. I got excited, but it didn't last. After six weeks, he sent back to english and made me promise I would not read/study spanish anymore for the rest of my mission. Don't get me wrong, I am happy for my "twin" because she wants to learn spanish just like I do (it is in our blood/who we are). Good luck Amy and may God bless you with the ability to learn quickly and remember always.

Step Back

For years I lived my life in the shadows. I liked to step back from the picture and look at it instead of living in it. In that time I thought that I learned a few things that would better people, but that was my mistake. One day I thought that I should live in that picture. It started off rough as any new adventure does, but it soon became good. I went on living and trying to help those I cared for. I tryed to teach them all that I have seen and learned, but at last I failed. With the way things have been going, I feel like I have done more evil then good. Instead of saving or helping, I have destroyed. Maybe it is time for me to step back again. At least that way the world is not affected by my poison. It is time for me to stop being selfish and let others find their own happiness, for God knows I can't give it to them. It is time for me to let others live their lives. For those of you I hurt, I am sorry. For those of you I have not hurt yet, it is good that I step back now before I do. And for those who may care, I am still around, and I will still help, but only when you really truly need me.

God Be With You Till We Meet Again

Today I went to the MTC to drop my sister off. She started her mission today. She is going to the New York New York South Mission. I am happy that she has made the decision to serve a mission but it is hard to deal with the fact that she is not going to be around for the next 18 months. She has always been one of my best friends. In fact since we are only a year and a half apart and we "look" alike, we tell everyone that we are twins. As we were saying our goodbyes, my brother broke down. Just seeing him brought some tears to my eyes. As I said it is going to be hard to deal with her not being there. I just have to say that I love her and I will miss her. God be with her until we meet again.

To thine own self be true

I just got done watching Dead Poets Society again. I have to admit that I love this movie. There are so many great lessons that we can learn from watching it.

As I watched it this time, the lesson that I got from it was being who we are. (Spoiler) Here are a bunch of kids going to a school they don't like and doing things they don't want to do. They do it because their parents or the teachers tell them to do them.

Then here comes the new teacher (Robin Williams) and he does things differently. He starts to teach the boys to think for themselves. To do their own things and have their own thoughts, no matter who are what tells them otherwise.

Be who you are, and let nothing stop you from doing it. Follow your dreams and ignore those who tell you that you can't. Think the thoughts you do, and speak your mind; don't let others silence you.

"To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to any man." William Shakespeare

Carpi Diem.

"Tis only in their dreams that men truly be free,'twas always thus, and always thus will be."

Keep Learning

Yesterday I had some time on my hands, so I decided that I would pick up my scriptures and start reading them again. It wasn't long before I found some verses that I never really noticed before. So far I came across two different scriptures in two different books that talk about how there must be more people/nations then those just here in the Americas and at Jerusalem. For some reasons those verses stuck out at me. I always knew that there was others, how else would the wise men know how to find the Savior? I continued to read and wow. I was relearning some things and others I started to learn. I had to stop where I was reading and look up other scriptures and also look at some other notes/talkes I had (I didn't have many because I was in my car.) I forgot how much I love to learn the gospel and no matter how much I may know, I can always learn more. Also, since I was in my car, I would read the scriptures out loud. That was a new experience for me. I could actually see myself there listening to the prophets speaking the words that I was saying. I also thought back on last weekend, listening to the prophets speak to us at General Conference. There were a lot of thoughts and feelings that were running through me as I was reading, most of them I will keep to myself unless asked about them in a more private setting. I will say this though, we live in a great time!

Skills Put to Good Use

Today I had the chance to put some of my skills to good use. My sister is a cub scout leader and today they were talking about how we can help out the police force. Stuff like, report suspicious activities, or pay attention to detail if a crime happens, etc... While she was talking about that, I went into the backyard and took my nephew's ripstik and ran off. She had the boys into two groups so I had to do it twice. The first time, I had to jump the fence grab it and then jump back. The second time it was just up against the fence and all I had to do was grab it and walk away. It was a lot of fun to do. It reminded me of my good old acting days. The boys were shocked and really thought that I took it. They couldn't really describe me, one group thought I had gray hair the other thought I had blonde hair. I got a little worried though, because I was hiding from the boys so they couldn't see me until I took the ripstik, and my sister's neighbors kept watching me suspiciously. I was scared that they might really call the police on me, and then I would have to try and explain myself to them. I am glad that I was able to put some of my skills to work for the good of others and also to be able to help me sister out.

Keep Moving On

Once again life has thrown me a curvball. I have to admit that is was more my doing then anything else. I made a big deal over something that I can't control. I lost someone that is really important to me and I may not be able to get them back. It was my own fault that I was foolish enough to let them leave and slip through my fingers. As a matter of fact this has happened a few times with the same person. With some luck they have given me another chance, but I don't think it will happen this time. This time I think that it may be for good. If I get this person back or not is up to them. But no matter what happens I will keep moving on.

This person has helped me in so many ways. First they have helped me with my anger. Yes I know I have anger problems, but they have not been as bad since I was with her. Sadly to say I still have some, but with time I think that I can have them all under control.

She has also given me hope for the future. Yes I know the future would be better if she was in it, but it is going to be great with or with out her. I know that I will be able to find me a good job that will help me with the things that I want; my own place and a family. This may sound werid for those who know me. I always said that I would not get married anytime soon, maybe in 5 or so years I would. Now I can see myself getting married a lot sooner.

Looking at all the good things the future holds for me, I am not as scared of it. I know that my life is going to have bumps in the road, but when all is said and done, it is going to be a good life. The reason I say that is because I am going to make it a good life.

Don't get me wrong, I am dying inside over the one I lost. She was put in my life for a reason. I hope that it was not just to show my how wonderful life can be. I hope that she will always be in my life. Only time will tell, but I will keep moving on and accomplish my goals and dreams.