Thank God for Kids

Kids have some amazing abilites. They have a greater understanding of this world then we could ever imagine. Yesterday I went to see if my car would pass saftey and emissions. I had a feeling it wouldn't and of course I was right. I was not having the best of days, I was frustrated with a lot of things. While I was in the waiting area, there was a little girl there. She was just in her own little world like many kids do when they are bored. She stopped for a second and looked at me. I tried to force a good fake smile at her, but I knew she could see right through it. She looked a little sad at the fact that I was not happy. Then she started to "show off" for me. I knew she was trying to make me feel better. And of course being the cute little girl she was, she did make me smile and feel better. Sadly to say that feeling didn't last long, but it is amazing how she did what she could to make me smile at least for a moment in time. Just think how better this world would be if we could all be like kids, and just make this world as happy and great as we could. Instead of just trying to survive it from day to day. All I have to say is thank God for kids.

Ain't it Funny

I think it is funny how things work. Take this as an example; I put my heart out there and had some of the greatest moments of my life because of it. I learned how to love again and I would not trade that for anything. Well now that I screwed that relationship up, it is funny how my heart won't let go. I hear plenty of people saying it is over. In fact I have heard it from the one I love that it is over. But for some reason, my heart doesn't want to listen. It still holds on to hope. It just refuses to let go. And because of that there is a lot of pain and depression. It is what happens when you love someone and they don't want to love you back. I know she doesn't love me and I know she will never love me, so why can't I let go and move on? Why do I still hope that one day, against everything, she will come back? Why can't I get her out of my head? Why is it that no matter what I do I can hear that wonderful laugh of hers and see those beautiful eyes? I guess my mind can't get over her either. Why did I have to love someone so wonderful and then screw that up? Why? I know nothing I say or do will make her change her mind, so why hold on? Another thing that is funny is how I can go my whole life without any regret until I had the chance to be with her. She came into my life and we started dating. Little did I know I was going to have a huge regret coming. My regret is not that I was with her, but that I was too stupid to not marry her when I had the chance. She is everything I wanted in a women and I let her slip through my fingers. Ain't it funny?

"Heard a joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world where what lies ahead is vague and uncertain. Doctor says "Treatment is simple. Great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him. That should pick you up." Man bursts into tears. Says "But, doctor...I am Pagliacci." Good joke"

Hope

There I am, surrounded by darkness. I walk around trying to find the light or anything for that matter. I keep expecting to run into something or trip over something. But there is nothing there but me and the darkness. I begin to lose hope of finding anything in this darkness. I don't even know where I am or how far I traveled. I figure that I am doomed to stay in this darkness and I start to embrace my fate.

Suddenly there is something a head of me. I can't make it out. I start running to it, screaming for someone. I realize that there is a light around a person. "Who are you," I yell as I keep running to them. There is no response. As I get closer I see that it is a women. She is beautiful. Her brown hair with some red in it is blowing from a gently breeze. I can finally see her eyes, and I am amazed by them. They are so beautiful. I can see so much love and hope inside of them. I stare into her eyes for what seem like hours. All she does is stare back at me. I try to talk to her, but she remains silent. She looks familar as though I have known her from a previous life or from a wonderful dream. I break away from those gorgeous eyes of her, and realize that the darkness is gone. There are suddenly trees and flowers and grass. You can hear birds singing in the trees. Sounds of a stream with water trickling down is heard but not seen. Feelings of peace and love are in the air. There is the blueset sky that you have ever seen. The sun is shining, but that is not why there is light. The light is coming from the essence of this women. I am no longer confused or feel lonely. Everything feels right and good.

As she remains silent, she turns around and starts to walk away. She moves with such grace that it looks as though she is floating. The light follows her, and I can see the darkness coming closer to me. Feelings of lost and confusion are returning to me. I start to run after her, holding on to those good feelings. But no matter how fast I run I can't catch her. I am calling out to her to stop and to come back to me. I need her and that light that she has inside of her. I can't live in the darkness anymore. After all those feelings, and after looking into those eyes, I know that I can't live without her. I start to get tired from running after her. She gets further and further away from me. The darkness gets closer. And just as fast as she appeared, she is once again gone. How can this be? How can I lose her? How can I get her to come back to me and light up my life? I struggle to find the answer to any of these questions. I begin to lose any hope I have of finding her again. I rack my brain trying to find out why she looks familar. That may hold the key to finding her. Nothing comes to mind and I realize that I lost her. Somehow, because of me, she is gone and is not coming back. Why must I be a fool and let her leave?

The darkness surrounds me again. The trees and flowers and grass are gone. I can no longer her the birds sing or the water. Everything is gone, and that includes the hope that I had. Why would she ever want to come back to this darkness? She can find someone just as beautiful as she that has this light as well. Tears fall down as I realize it is over, and I have lost.

I wake up in a cold sweat. I look around trying to let my eyes focus in the darkness. That couldn't be real, that had to be just a dream. My eyes can finally pierce the darkness and I see that I am in my room. I reach up and turn on the lamp that is above my head. As it clicks on my eyes immediately go straight to the picture of her. She looks just as beautiful as she did in my dream. Once again all those feelings of peace and love come rushing to me. But most importanly, feelings of hope are back. It was just a dream. It is not over yet and I still have a chance.