Surprise Surprise

I have no idea why I should be surprised. I have seen the signs for months, but I chose to be an idiot and ignore them. It is just hard when you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you. I thought that she did and I hope that she did, but at last I find that her words are true. She doesn't love me. Part of me still says it can't be true. How can years and years of love be gone in months? That is easy to answer, I just don't like the answer. Why do I fall in love with someone who ends up just loving someone else? They say the hardest thing to do is watch the one you love love someone else; well I have done that a few times now. You figure I would learn that love is just not for me. It hurts to much to stand here and see that I am not what she needs or wants. "How it hurts to be a no one. How I wish that I was somone truely loved." Once again I am a fool. Only a fool would think that I would have anything to offer somone. That I was someone worthy of marrying. It is clear that I was just kidding myself by thinking I was. I have had enough woman tell me that I am worthy of marriage, just to have them end up in the arms of someone else. I am tired of being dumped so they can be with someone else, or because they "want to draw closer to God," or "to find themselves." I am tired of not being good enough for anyone. If you don't want to be with me, then tell me. Don't waste my time and make me fall in love with you, just to have you leave. Maybe I had it right, love is just a four letter word and nothing but. Maybe it is time that I become numb again. Maybe that is the only way I can stop thinking about her. She is everything to me, but yet I feel like I am nothing to her. How big of a fool can I be? I have to be a big fool, because nothing I do will let me forget her and move on. the truth is I could never stop loving her. No matter how hard I try and how much I would like to, I can't. I know what some may say, "Steve you will find someone." Well I don't want to find anyone else. Simple as that. I have found the one I want to be with and she rejected me. I will never find anyone like her, so what is the point of trying. So, to the couple of women that I have ever loved; I wish ya'll the best. I hope that you have true happiness, the kind that last forever. And I hope that the man you choose can give it to you. I hope and pray that you always put God first and trust Him. I hope that the man you choose to be with, also puts God first. Otherwise you will never be happy. Thanks for the good times. I will remember them always. Oh, and "Thank you for curing me of my ridiculous obsession with love!"