Who am I kidding?

It is amazing how you can be going through life thinking things are ok and then wham, you get hit with reality. That is what happened to me today. I knew my life was not the greatest, but I didn't realize how bad it really was. I realized today that I have been kidding myself with how things are. I am a fool for going to school. I can't do this, I am not that smart. All I have done is waste time and money. Why in the world did I think that I could do something like this? What was I thinking? That is just my point, I was not thinking just like the rest of my life. I don't think about what I do, I just do things. I decided to go to school without thinking about how stupid I am for doing it. I can't keep up with everything I need to so I can pass classes and get a degree. I guess when they kick me out of school I will learn that this is just not for me. Of course why should school be any different from anything else? I can't get/keep a good job. I can't even get my own place or at least move out of my parent's house. I can't even get someone to love me when they have a choice. I know my family loves me, but they don't have much of a choice there. Who was I kidding, thinking that I could actually do anything. All I am is a screw up and that is all I have done with my life; one screw up after another. I drove everyone who may have cared away, I get myself kicked out of school(or I am going to) and I drive my work crazy to the point where I am sure they want to fire me. Maybe I just need to go back to the darkness, at least there I can't screw things up or hurt other people or make them crazy. Maybe one day I will learn that I need to just face reality and stop trying to fool everyone including myself.